IF I WERE THE PRIME MINISTER ADDRESSING THE PRESS CONFERENCE

THE ORIGINAL DRAFT OF THE TELEPROMPTER TEXT FOR THE PRIME MINISTER’S PRESS CONFERENCE.

The following was found in the file No. 13 in the PMO the day after the Press Conference.

ON INFLATION N ECONOMY:

We were getting along quite nicely with very low inflation in the first few years of our First tenure. The global meltdown, with the consequential need to pump in money into the economy fed the demand side. It was aggravated by increase in salaries of the Babus, and Aam Aadmi programs. Bad monsoons, and a ‘hardly working’ Agriculture n Food Minister starved the supply side. God is working on the Monsoon. The RBI n the FM are trying to calm the demand side. Indian cricket is in a mess, so the Agriculture n Food Minister might spend more time at his Desk. That is how we shall tame the beast of inflation.

ON PAKISTAN

If you rule out the option of declaring War on Pakistan, please tell me what else can we do to make Pakistan behave, that we are not doing now. Observing “Kutti” i.e. we will not talk to you has not yielded any results. So we will try resuming “Batti” i.e. we will talk to you. We tried to complain to Uncle Sam. But he is also helpless. You see how the mighty USA is ‘appeasing’ Pakistan because of TINA factor.

ON NAXALS

If I had my way, I would send all the civic society sympathizers of the Naxal movement on a world tour on one of the luxury liners so that they study 'separatist' movements around the world.. That will give the MHA the cease fire he wants. Having done that I would instruct the MHA to forget about the other ceasefire n meet with the Kishens n other leaders of the Naxals for 7 days of non stop negotiations n talks. If that does not work, I will hand the matter over to Joint force of Army, Police under the leadership of a retired General of the Army with an unlimited mandate.

ON TERRORISM

Honestly I don’t think Pakistan has the will or the ability to eradicate terrorism from its soil. Even though the dog bites the hand that has fed it, Pakistan can not put the dog away. I am thinking of divesting the MHA of its role in anti terrorist activities n sub contracting to some Israeli agency.

ON CASTE CENSUS

Many our CORE programs depend on demographic information. For example, Reservation for SC n STs, Reservation for OBC, Funding for BPL persons, Reservation for Women and most important Election Ticket distribution n Vote Banks. We will be shooting in the dark, if the Census does not provide us the demographic base for these programs. It is the essential Market Research that we need.

ON RAJA N CORRUPTION

Have you people forgotten that our’s is a coalition government and we have to observe coalition dharma. In any case, Raja has more than compensated the GOI for any loss he may caused in his earlier decision. Even the FM is grateful to Raja for creating ‘elbow room’ for him. You should be praising Raja for his 100K Crore bonanza to the Nation.

ON RAHUL GANDHI

The PM’s chair belongs to him by rights. His mother did not want him. So as her successor, it is his by right. I will vacate it the moment he is ready to give up his ‘freedom’.

ON ILLEGAL MINING IN ORISSA

If I had my way, I would put the culprits in Jail and ‘chaabi kho jai”.That should set an example.

ON THE SUPPORT OF THE LEFT

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. I can not depend on Air India. But the ticket price of that ride is too high.

ON HIS LEGACY

The country will remember me as the Pradhan Munshi who became Pradhan Mantri.